Updated: Nov 14
When I first awoke from a horrible nights sleep, tossing and turning, and a chest full of panic, I really wanted to just write about how sucky I was currently feeling/doing. I so wanted to just write a complain blog and let you know that we ALL go through days/weeks/months/seasons of plain old unfairness. ESPECIALLY, when all I do is focus and work upon the things that are currently tearing my down. But of course, God had other plans...
For the past several days, I have made huge progress within my own acceptance, coming to reality, and accomplishing things that once gave me anxiety/panic. Things, I thought, were going so well. Until my body began to give up, my mind began to wonder off into sad, lonely places, and my emotions were rampaging. It is in these moments of confusion, sadness, and physical tiredness that the shadows of my unhealthy state of mind peak out and say hello. I don't do well with setbacks. Actually, they make me quite angry. So add that to the mix of everything else going on and I qualify is a disastrous mess. However, in these times of complete instability (or what I think is complete chaos), God is working.... Why? How? Can I give up?
Let's start with why God allows us to go through anything. Simply put, all things are for His glory and our ultimate good. Verses such as: 1 Peter 4: 12-13, "Dear friends, do not be surprised at the fiery ordeal that has come on you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice inasmuch as you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed."
:James 1:2-4, "Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."
:1 Corinthians 12:9, "But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me."
In each verse the writers desired more of what was going to give God glory. Instead of focusing on the bad, they focused on what was to come. They not only focused but found JOY in each circumstance. My goodness, they even boasted of their brokenness! For the longest time, I could not even admit or accept I was broken, let alone find pride and satisfaction within it. It takes some major time with Jesus, some major humility moments, and some major trust in a God who is in complete control for that to happen.
How, how is God working? I think the best way to see is to believe. In order to believe, you must have faith. The definition of faith is, "complete trust or confidence in someone or something." You cannot have faith in someone you do not know. Therefore, if you haven't encountered God personally, read His word, go to church, ask a friend, listen to the Holy Spirit tugging on your heart strings.... do whatever the deepest part of your being is asking of you. For those who have encountered God personally, I would encourage you to look back at your journals, your prayers, ask other people to share their stories of what God has done in/for you and them. Tell someone, even if it's yourself, your testimony. If you need a faith boost and are not spending quality time with God that is also a good place to see Him work (MAKE TIME).
The last question, Can you give up? What does giving up look like to you? Because to me it looks like not acting...not noticeably traveling forward. However, as my counselor reminded me again this week, it is okay to take time to embrace. It is okay to stop outwardly making progress and inwardly allow your emotions to heal. Without continuous healing of what is within one cannot outwardly move forward. My version of giving up is listening to my body and not working out everyday, sleeping more, watching one more episode of Netflix, taking myself away from people and into God's arms. But if you really stop and digest what is going on, you begin to accept that currently this is what your body, mind, and soul need. Is it still bringing God glory? YES! You are choosing to listen to Him (by listening to the body He created, the emotions He gave you, it is adhering and being attentive to God). Now, there is a difference between listening to God and then listening to yourself. However, as you grow spiritually you will be wiser in this area.
Lastly, who would want to give up when this is our hope: “And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes; there shall be no more death, nor sorrow, nor crying. There shall be no more pain, for the former things have passed away” (Rev. 21:3). Isaiah 43:1b-3a, 4, 5a, 7 "“Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. For I am the Lord your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior;" "Since you are precious and honored in my sight, and because I love you," "Do not be afraid, for I am with you;" "everyone who is called by my name, whom I created for my glory, whom I formed and made.”
You are not alone.
I'm struggling and I know others are as well.
God is working.
God is being glorified.
He is making all things for our good.
Don't give up.
But make time for internal healing.
Focus on hope.